-Insert Catchy Title Here-

Ok, first blog of summer break, AND I made something!

Excuse my webcam.
So why did I drill a hole through an Oklahoma quarter? Let me tell you the story.
Back in August, I went to a 12-day apologetics conference in Wisconsin. Near the end of the trip, I realized I really needed to do laundry. I took the last 3 dollars I had to my name and made the 5 minute walk to the laundry building. I stuck my quarters in their slots, pushed the lever...and nothing happened. The machine ate my quarters. I tried another machine, and it ate half my quarters. There was no attendant to be found, so I abandoned my clothes. After about 15 more minutes of walking and no more quarters, I made my way to the staff office at our part of the camp. I asked them to turn my last dollar into quarters so I could just do some laundry. One of the staff members, Todd, told me to follow him out to his car. He dug around inside for a bit and pulled out about $1.75 in quarters. When I tried to give him my dollar, he wouldn't take it. He leaned against his car and said, "You know, the first Church was really generous with what they had. If they had something they didn't need, they gave it to someone who needed it. And I just think people should be more like that." I thanked him for the quarters and mulled over the idea. Since he had given me more than I needed, I stuck the extra quarter in my wallet, thinking I'd wait to give it to someone who needs it. From the end of August 'till now, anytime someone has needed spare change, I've given it to them if I could. And somehow, I've always had enough to where I've never had to give away that same quarter Todd gave me. It's always reminded me to be generous where I could. Which reminds me of two of my friends who, ironically, are both in Oklahoma at the time I write this.
Ryan and Clay probably don't look like friendly, loving guys to the typical person, but trust me. These two are pretty rad. I'm lucky enough to consider them brothers. Recently, I was hanging out with Ryan before he left to go visit Clay in OK. He kept offering me things that he didn't have a need for, and his generosity sticks with me every day. Clay is willing to open his home to Ryan and his traveling companion, Scott. Today, I was talking to Ryan about how much money I would need to have to camp with them at Cornerstone this year. Clay told me to give what I could, even if it was nothing, and I'd be taken care of. And the thing is, I know I would be. Those two would make sure I had a place to stay and food in my belly.
So that is why I have an Oklahoma quarter around my neck. Every day, I do and say selfish things, but hopefully seeing this more often will remind me of the generosity of the people around me. One can only hope, right?

-Laura

Well Then...

Hey everyone(All 4 of you C: )
Once again, I've decided to take another stab at this blogging deal. I found out I might get to blog for Cornerstone so I decided I better dust off my writing.
So where have I been? School. Church. New friends. IAC. Taking pictures. But all that in good time. I could write really long posts about all of those, and I'm sure I will in due time.
Tomorrow and Thursday are my finals for this semester. In light of that, I got home last night and wrote a list of summer goals. I'm giving you all permission to kick my butt into gear if I fail at these.
Summer 2011
-Write something, even one line, every day.
-Blog once a week.
-Read more books from Summit.
-Play violin at last one a week.
-Play piano at least every other day.
-Learn more about shooting with 35mm film.
-Build a TLR and a Battlefield.
-Organize great shows.
-Listen to two or more podcasts a week.
-Make something at least once a week.
-Shoot no less than one roll of film in my pinhole camera a month(May, June, July).
-Hand write one letter a week.
-Get prints made and start developing a portfolio.
-Start getting rid of excess stuff.
-Sight read/ear train (Music theory stuff) once a week.
-No less than 150 situps a week(Someone dared me to this, so thats why it's in here.)
-Celebrate my birthday, since I'll actually be home.
-Have a bonfire or two.
-Add to the collage on my bedroom wall.
-Meet more Arrows(I'll explain that later).
-Contact LPHS and OTHS about job shadowing(Guidance Counselor. Heck yeah, I changed my major again.)
-Save no less than 10% or every paycheck.
-Find an effective way to save digital photo files to hardcopy.
-Build Rodney's girlfriend.
-Street art(Huge rasterbated photos, knitted graffiti, etc.)
-Work on my pseudo-fiction piece at least once a week.
-Spend a day in Chicago.

Sounds pretty do-able, right? Only one way to find out!

If I Can't Play For Them, I'll Blog For Them!

Hey guys! Man, I sure do suck at updating this thing. So many amazing things have happened that I can't wait to tell you about!
One of the COOLEST things was being picked as an official Cornerstone Festival blogger! That's right! I got to be a part of a team whose sole purpose was to write about an experience that words simply cannot express. Impossible task? Yes, but we sure were up for it! Here are the links to the posts I wrote!
http://www.cornerstonefestival.com/blog/?p=491
http://www.cornerstonefestival.com/blog/?p=499
http://www.cornerstonefestival.com/blog/?p=520
http://www.cornerstonefestival.com/blog/?p=732

Enjoy these! I hope to be back writing soon!
Love you all,
LauraREBEL

Just A Thought

(Ill be posting soon! I promise! Maybe Ill talk about...stick and poke?)

"...Everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt." - Sylvia Plath

Picture Perfect(?)

3.11.10
I just finished reading a blog by Sarah Markley about beauty, and I figured I would chime in.




Most days, I look like this.
Note the acne and greasy hair.
But last Friday, I got to be this.
Sure, I had the help of a make up artist(My dear friend, Laci), but I feel like in that photo, I am beautiful. But is it lasting?
I posted the photo to my facebook and within hours, I had friends telling me how beautiful I looked. And a message from one of my other friends, who makes a living out of editing photos. He said that he enjoyed knowing every post-photography process that was used to make that photo so 'beautiful.'
And doubt kicked in. "Is that really what I looked like?" "How much was photoshop?" "How much concealer did Laci have to use?"
Then I realized.
It doesnt matter.

Today, my brother and I got a DVD of videos and pictures from a summer camp we attend, and I watched a video of one of my favorite skits from that week. The main character struggles with seeing herself as God's masterpiece, but God comes and shows her that when she surrenders over all the ugliness and flaws, He can make something truly beautiful.

So now, I start the process of handing over all those flaws. All the ugliness. Everything not of God. As he chisels away all the junk, His true masterpiece is sure to emerge.

Just Because...

This post is for Aaron.



Because he wanted to know when he was going to get a post about him.

I think he's just jealous of max.

1) .hope now.

1.19.10
I've recently become obsessed with anchors as a symbol of hope. I've said that I want to spend the rest of my life helping hurting teens, preferably through music. So I'm pulling some ideas together, and this is what I've got so far. I want the anchor to be an icon. Like the Jesus fish or the letters TWLOHA. So every day, I will draw an anchor on my arm and write the word hope above or below it, and this is what it means.

"I care about you. I understand that you're hurting. I am a safe person to talk to.
I want to help."


Maybe it's unrealistic. Maybe it will never help anyone. But if you dont do anything, nothing will ever happen. So that's what I'm doing starting now.
I'm going to try to think of how to pitch it to Fishsticks & Milk, because with their exposure to teens in our area, it could do some real good.

Everything rides on hope.

I Should Probably Become a Nun...

The title has nothing to do with my last blog. Its about what I'm sharing with you today. I wrote this, as i call it, "pseudopoem" about a boy who then decided he didn't want to like me. I should probably swear off boys for a while.
1.18.10
We are both becoming such good actors. We play these parts of "just friends" so well. No one would know, we keep them all guessing. But we know the whispers we trade. You ask me to wait, hold back my heart through these years that threaten to keep us apart. But we both know I can't make promises. We both know that's asking too much. So we put on the make up and play our parts well. And entwine our fingers when the bright lights fade. But slowly, it fades to grey. And suddenly I see.
You're too good an actor for me.


Thanks to max for commenting on my last blog. You should probably leave a link to yours so i can read it C:

Mason, Mason, Mason

I know I said I was gonna be posting writings from the Open Book project, but this is just something i really need to just write down. So its real time Open Book.

2.17.10
"There is nothing for you to offer a guy anymore."
How does a girl react to hearing that from one of her friends? What is she supposed to think? Or do?
This is the question I'm asking myself currently. But let me back up and tell you the story.

I have a friend named Mason. Mason is a Christian and sings in a punk band that I'm quite fond of. I developed a friendship with him this summer and we've bonded through our mutual love of punk rock, Jesus, and Cornerstone. Somewhere along the line I began to tell him about the poor choices I had made in a past relationship. No, I'm still a virgin(And you'll have to keep that in mind throughout the rest of this post. Mason's words will make you think otherwise.) And I never thought he thought a thing of it, aside from the initial disappointment and empathy. That was, until a month ago.

Seemingly out of nowhere, he began to share with me some of the finer points of his doctrine. Mason believes that:
A. God views sexual acts as sex.
B. God views sex as marriage.
so he believes
C. Sexual acts are viewed as marriage. Period.

Now, Im not saying that he is wrong. im saying I dont agree with him, AND I wont blindly accept his reality untill I look into it for myself. So as we had that discussion a month ago, I got more frustrated untill he decided he was going to "protect the friendship by not replying to me and let me be with Jesus."

What?! He dropped a spiritual bombshell and left me alone and torn? Thats just messed up.

So for a month, I thought about it occasionally, but not seriously. Then, on Valentine's Day(Sunday), we had an hour long discussion that ended in this.

"Please stop texting me. I haven't read your texts. I wont. This is so much harder for me than you know :( I need to focus on rescuing children and this disappointment from you is overwhelming. Im crying so hard! :( And please honor your past by obeying the scripture. Dont become an adulterer. I know you cant have a baby by another man. Youll look into your baby's eyes and cry knowing that mommy was with another man before daddy. It will pierce your heart to see those innocent eyes and remember your wrong. And even if it WERE ok to marry another man you must ask yourself, "How could I do this to my husband? How could I not have saved myself for him?" Remember your words. There is nothing for you to offer a guy anymore. Goodbye, please. But Jesus loves you. You're forgiven. Walk in that"

Phew. What an earful. Let's break this down.

"I need to focus on rescuing children."
Mason's band has the wonderful pleasure of being a spokesgroup for Compassion International, and they are very proud of this, as they should be.
But I think it's gone to Mason's head. He'd like to focus on the lives of third world, impoverished children. Awesome. But what about the kid right in front of him who needs some rescuing? I need rescuing from my guilt. My sin. My choices. And most importantly, from the condemnation of Mason himself. I need love, not a self-righteous man who appoints himself as my judge and jury.

"And please honor your past by obeying the scripture." What about in 1 Corinthians 13, where it says, "Love keeps no record of wrongs?"
What about Psalm 32:5 that says “...I confessed all my sins to You and stopped trying to hide them. I said to myself, ‘I will confess my rebellion to the LORD.’ And You forgave me! All my guilt is gone.”
Or Jeremiah 33:8? Isaiah 1:18
The list goes on and on.(http://www.allaboutprayer.org/verses-on-forgiveness-faq.htm was a great resource!)

"I know you cant have a baby by another man. Youll look into your baby's eyes and cry knowing that mommy was with another man before daddy. It will pierce your heart to see those innocent eyes and remember your wrong."
What?! Just...what?

"Jesus loves you." Yes, Mason, He does. He loved me so much that He said this, "I, the Lord made you, and I will not forget to help you. I have swept away your sins like the morning mists. I have scattered your offenses to the clouds. Oh, return to me, for I have paid the price to set you free." And I returned to Christ after falling away and making the poor choice that brought forth this whole conversation. I seek Him deeper than ever before.

"You're forgiven. Walk in that"
And so I will. I am forgiven. Jesus has washed me white as a wedding gown. The one that I believe no amount of sin should separate me, or anyone who made the choices I made, from wearing one day.

Please Support Me?

So this Friday, the 13th, I'm playing a battle of the bands at the Total Rec in Streator. I'm playing against four other bands and i really need everyone possible to come out and support me.
I havent played a show since July, and if I make it through this round, I get to play another show on New Years which is honestly as good as winning! Please come help me!

Its not about the grand prize, I just want to play!

Show starts at 6:30!

So if you're coming...
-Be Ridiculous. Wear facepaint, dance, make t shirts(or buy one from me! I can make you one for about $10!), bring signs...whatever!
-Scream and cheer very loud after every song!
-Sing along! Even if you dont know the words, you can pick up on the choruses!
-BRING YOUR FRIENDS!


Thanks so much, everyone! I love you!

Review: The Tallest of Smalls by Max Lucado

For years I have loved Max Lucado's children's book, You Are Special, and Tallest of Smalls was no letdown.

Written with a style similar to the Dr. Seuss we all grew up with, Tallest of Smalls is a beautiful story that touches readers young and old alike. The story applies to our every day life showing us how people or things can never really satisfy our desire to feel special, significant, and admired. Written in a rhyme that captivates children, Tallest of Smalls shares with them a message of value and self-worth that they can understand without simplifying it to something that lacks real meaning. Illustrations from artist Maria Monescillo help the story really come to life in your mind's eye as you read about Ollie, a young boy who just wanted to be admired like all the other people with stilts. One day his wish is granted and he receives his stilts. But as he tries to be like the others, he finds he cannot stand. With a pride-shattering fall, he finds himself stiltless and right back where he started. But as he sits in his sadness, Jesus comes to him and tells him everything he'd been longing to hear from the crowd, and everything he thought he would find in the stilts. Readers will find this is be a charming story that tells us what we all long to hear, "I may not be much, the smallest of smalls. But since Jesus loves me, I'm the tallest of talls."

My friends have separate lives apart from me.
People that I consider my close friends don't think of me when making plans. They live their lives as if I'm not important. But when we're together, I'm the coolest thing since sliced bread.
I dont get it.

I know of two people who regularly try to spend time with me.

Two.

And I'm very friendly.

On the other hand, its always pleasant to hear someone who you suffer with through the mediocre existence of life drop the F-Bomb. At your cat.

Finally

Am I growing more independent? *gasp* I finally got my own cell phone, and Friday I go to learn how to use a program for weighing grain trucks. A job! Crazy stuff. But after 17 years, I think it's understandable.
I know find myself addicted to mytinyphone.com.


This is my kajillionth attempt at blogging. Let's see how long this one lasts. I think the reason I'm trying it is so that I have somewhere I can rant. I had that once, before my boyfriend got Twitter. Now I try to just keep my frustration to myself. No longer!

So. Lets see if anyone reads this...