One of the Quiver

-Insert Catchy Title Here-

2011-05-11T11:33:00.000-07:00

Ok, first blog of summer break, AND I made something!

Excuse my webcam.
So why did I drill a hole through an Oklahoma quarter? Let me tell you the story.
Back in August, I went to a 12-day apologetics conference in Wisconsin. Near the end of the trip, I realized I really needed to do laundry. I took the last 3 dollars I had to my name and made the 5 minute walk to the laundry building. I stuck my quarters in their slots, pushed the lever...and nothing happened. The machine ate my quarters. I tried another machine, and it ate half my quarters. There was no attendant to be found, so I abandoned my clothes. After about 15 more minutes of walking and no more quarters, I made my way to the staff office at our part of the camp. I asked them to turn my last dollar into quarters so I could just do some laundry. One of the staff members, Todd, told me to follow him out to his car. He dug around inside for a bit and pulled out about $1.75 in quarters. When I tried to give him my dollar, he wouldn't take it. He leaned against his car and said, "You know, the first Church was really generous with what they had. If they had something they didn't need, they gave it to someone who needed it. And I just think people should be more like that." I thanked him for the quarters and mulled over the idea. Since he had given me more than I needed, I stuck the extra quarter in my wallet, thinking I'd wait to give it to someone who needs it. From the end of August 'till now, anytime someone has needed spare change, I've given it to them if I could. And somehow, I've always had enough to where I've never had to give away that same quarter Todd gave me. It's always reminded me to be generous where I could. Which reminds me of two of my friends who, ironically, are both in Oklahoma at the time I write this.
Ryan and Clay probably don't look like friendly, loving guys to the typical person, but trust me. These two are pretty rad. I'm lucky enough to consider them brothers. Recently, I was hanging out with Ryan before he left to go visit Clay in OK. He kept offering me things that he didn't have a need for, and his generosity sticks with me every day. Clay is willing to open his home to Ryan and his traveling companion, Scott. Today, I was talking to Ryan about how much money I would need to have to camp with them at Cornerstone this year. Clay told me to give what I could, even if it was nothing, and I'd be taken care of. And the thing is, I know I would be. Those two would make sure I had a place to stay and food in my belly.
So that is why I have an Oklahoma quarter around my neck. Every day, I do and say selfish things, but hopefully seeing this more often will remind me of the generosity of the people around me. One can only hope, right?

-Laura

Well Then...

2011-05-10T07:50:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone(All 4 of you C: )
Once again, I've decided to take another stab at this blogging deal. I found out I might get to blog for Cornerstone so I decided I better dust off my writing.
So where have I been? School. Church. New friends. IAC. Taking pictures. But all that in good time. I could write really long posts about all of those, and I'm sure I will in due time.
Tomorrow and Thursday are my finals for this semester. In light of that, I got home last night and wrote a list of summer goals. I'm giving you all permission to kick my butt into gear if I fail at these.
Summer 2011
-Write something, even one line, every day.
-Blog once a week.
-Read more books from Summit.
-Play violin at last one a week.
-Play piano at least every other day.
-Learn more about shooting with 35mm film.
-Build a TLR and a Battlefield.
-Organize great shows.
-Listen to two or more podcasts a week.
-Make something at least once a week.
-Shoot no less than one roll of film in my pinhole camera a month(May, June, July).
-Hand write one letter a week.
-Get prints made and start developing a portfolio.
-Start getting rid of excess stuff.
-Sight read/ear train (Music theory stuff) once a week.
-No less than 150 situps a week(Someone dared me to this, so thats why it's in here.)
-Celebrate my birthday, since I'll actually be home.
-Have a bonfire or two.
-Add to the collage on my bedroom wall.
-Meet more Arrows(I'll explain that later).
-Contact LPHS and OTHS about job shadowing(Guidance Counselor. Heck yeah, I changed my major again.)
-Save no less than 10% or every paycheck.
-Find an effective way to save digital photo files to hardcopy.
-Build Rodney's girlfriend.
-Street art(Huge rasterbated photos, knitted graffiti, etc.)
-Work on my pseudo-fiction piece at least once a week.
-Spend a day in Chicago.

Sounds pretty do-able, right? Only one way to find out!

"Faith in God, Then We’re Right."

2010-09-09T20:54:00.000-07:00

On Sunday, one of my favorite people ever is leaving.

My best guy friend, John, is shipping out for basic Army training, and I'm super proud of him.
But with that, I also know I'm gonna miss the crap out of him.
If you guys could keep him in your prayers, that would be fantastic.
Thanks,
LR

Finally

2010-07-17T21:44:00.000-07:00

Soooooo I got a mohawk. Yes, for real. I cut the sides of my hair real short.
Want some proof?

Spiked with shaving cream!

Yup! It's beautiful and I love it! I'm gonna get it cut shorter so I can actually spike it.
Love it?

If I Can't Play For Them, I'll Blog For Them!

2010-07-17T21:39:00.000-07:00

Hey guys! Man, I sure do suck at updating this thing. So many amazing things have happened that I can't wait to tell you about!
One of the COOLEST things was being picked as an official Cornerstone Festival blogger! That's right! I got to be a part of a team whose sole purpose was to write about an experience that words simply cannot express. Impossible task? Yes, but we sure were up for it! Here are the links to the posts I wrote!
http://www.cornerstonefestival.com/blog/?p=491
http://www.cornerstonefestival.com/blog/?p=499
http://www.cornerstonefestival.com/blog/?p=520
http://www.cornerstonefestival.com/blog/?p=732

Enjoy these! I hope to be back writing soon!
Love you all,
LauraREBEL

I Know, This Is Lame

2010-05-08T06:22:00.000-07:00

Guys, seriously. I feel like an idiot for not writing. Not that I get a ton of feedback, but for my 4 readers, I need to keep putting stuff out there.
I found these old blogs I wrote about a year ago about my thoughts on love. I figured Id share them since I was real keen on them at the time I wrote them.

...I Began To Wonder If Love Will Ever Hold Me...
Share
Thursday, April 16, 2009 at 10:51pm
Being post-breakup is teaching me a lot. God is taking me by the shoulders and in between hugs is shaking some sense into me, and I love it. In trying to avoid rebounding and the like, I've found a guy that is my best guy friend and like a brother to me. He challenges me to get in my Bible and fall in love with Jesus over and over just like Ty said I should.
Whoops, I'm getting off subject. Anyway.
We've been considering a relationship because we see healthy potentials there, but God has been putting up a roadblock. A big yellow sign that says "Hey, you two, Wait." In this season of waiting, I've gotten to do a lot of self evaluation, and I've found so many unhealthy flaws that carry over to my relationships, and I'm trying to work on those.
Also, I got myself a copy of The Thing That Poets Write About by Bradley Hathaway. I was at my grandma's house, just me and Isaiah, listening to this cd. This guy writes all these sad love songs that you can find your own pain in. I looked around at the wedding pictures and 50th anniversary pictures and I was listening to these sad songs about real love and thinking about the family that lived in this house...and I realized that I have no personal concept of love. Don't get me wrong, I've seen it in good marriages, and I've and some really good boyfriends, but I honestly don't think I've experienced real romantic love.
And as I was sitting there, mulling over this idea, listening to these sad songs, and I can't really explain how I felt. But now, I want to know what it is.
I was reading in Song of Solomon where it says, "Don't awaken love until it so desires" and I'm trying to take that to heart and see how it applies to me.
Let's back up to where I said "falling in love with Jesus over and over just like Ty said." About three weeks ago, I was sitting in CCC's youth group. and Chad asked who trusted God. I looked around the room and saw everyone with their hands up. But it didnt matter that they did, I could not raise my hand and be honest with myself. After that night, I just started digging into God's word and talking about God with Travis. In those three-ish weeks, its been amazing. i cant describe the turn-around. God is so good, and every day is beautiful. I want to write a million songs about it, because its love. Beautiful, true, passionate, raw, redeeming love. And He teaches me what love really is. I wish I could share this all with you.
I don't know if I'm making a point or even making any sense, but I thought I would try to explain my thought process.

Then a little while later, I wrote this one. This was when I had just started a relationship with Travis(The Foremans are his family, FYI)

I'm really enjoying all this thinking about how I don't get love. So I decided I'm going to write about it again. Thats why this is called "You Wont Want To Read This."
I've been trying to so some serious thinking about love. Not the cute gooey stuff that teen couples have(Don't get me wrong, I love that kind), but the real lasting kind. The kind it takes to make it "to death do us part."
I've been able to see great marriages around me all my life, and I've seen how deeply and truly they can be hurt, and I've seen what it takes to fix them. And I've realized that, contrary to what I previously believed, the "love" I've experienced in past relationship was nowhere near the real stuff. Shockingly, I'm ok with that. Actually, I'm pretty excited about it.
When we walked into the prom, two of the Foreman's family friends came running up to us and the young lady stuck out her left hand and showed off her engagement ring. I added her on Facebook and got to look at the engagement pictures of her and her fiance. They are entering into that real kind of love, and even though I hardly know them, I'm excited for them and its great to see.
It happened again. I was sitting in Travis's living room thinking about the conversation we had had with them earlier that day about relationships and how they looked at each other, or when Mr Foreman kissed his wife(I wasn't watching, sicko, it happened to catch my eye). I was thinking about the challenges they've had in raising four great kids and everything that had taken place in this house. I could see if between them, and I felt really blessed to just be in the presence of that. It makes me really excited for if/when I get to know that.
I'm not saying I'll learn this real love with Travis, or anyone within the next five, ten, or twenty years, but it was great to think about the mystery it is.
I can hardly wait.

I still think of Mr. and Mrs. Foreman quite a lot, even though their son and I are no longer together.They're really an amazing couple, and even though theyre not in my life very much anymore, I still love them so much,

So, I encourage you to go get a copy of The Thing That Poets Write About, The Thing That Singers Sing About and just sit down and listen to it all the way through(I just loaned my copy to my current romance interest. Im so excited for his thoughts!). Let it let you think. And if you hate it, well, then you dont have to trust my taste in music ever again.

Look up, look up, look up into the sky, love.
You see that moon shining so high up above us?
It rolls around on account of a bunch of scientific stuff,
I like to think He does it just because He loves us.

Just A Thought

2010-04-17T11:31:00.000-07:00

(Ill be posting soon! I promise! Maybe Ill talk about...stick and poke?)

"...Everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt." - Sylvia Plath

2010-04-06T10:16:00.001-07:00

Dear Future Husband,
I miss you so terribly right now. Are you thinking of me?
Semper Fedelis, my dear.

Yours,
Laura

Im Too Selfish For Catchy Titles

2010-03-26T06:42:00.000-07:00

3.26.10
Ok, this is probably the biggest epiphany Ive had in a while, and its a doozy.
So hold on to your seats, ladies, here it is:

I am selfish.

You say, "Wait...that's it?" Yes. That's it. But before you title me as the blogger who cried wolf, give me a chance to explain.
About a month or so ago, I was talking to one of my closest friends at the time. He and I had been flirting the line between friendship and "relationship" for a little while, but I just wasn't sure if that was what I really wanted. Then one night, during another one of our regular 11P.M. phone calls, he began to get very frustrated, upset, and maybe even angry. In a slow voice that was beginning to shake with anger, he said four words that broke me.

"You are so selfish."

Now, before you charge after him with pitchforks and torches for being so rude, let me be the first to say, he is completely right. I am selfish, and I am learning that.
I had been telling him the whole time that I didn't really know if I wanted a relationship, but I was treating him as if I did, and as if he were my boyfriend, though that wasn't even what I really wanted. He had every right to be angry.
But since then, for completely different reasons, we haven't been able to talk much recently, and I've been able to clear my head from the self-inflicted smog that romantic emotions and words bring, and Ive been able to think. I hung out with some guys around my age, and some teen couples, and thought about how much I wanted a someone.Someone to hold my hand and kiss my cheek. Someone to be there, and be mine. Then I wondered why. Why did I want a someone so bad? Did I want it so I could pour myself into that person and deny myself for them?
Not at all!
I want a someone for me. To make me feel special. To make me feel valuable.
How messed up is that? I'm ashamed to admit my mind even functions that way. Love is not about yourself at all, and I'm turning it into something so ugly and about me. That's not love, that's lust. That's not love, that's pure, unadulterated selfishness.
So now, here I am, with this huge realization. What's next? While I do believe that being aware of it is half the battle, there is still half a war to be fought with no strategy. I do know that until this is healed and changed for good, remaining single is the best, if not, the only choice. But aside from that, what?
I'm open for advice and willing to share with you your struggles along the road. I'm not in this alonem and neither are you.

Now that I've laid all my dirt out there, what about you? How can you make your life and your actions about someone else, whether it be romantically like me, or even a friend or sibling?

I encourage you, no, I challenge you to find some way today to make an everyday thing about someone else. And I challenge you to do it tomorrow
and the next day
and the next.
Maybe you'll have an epiphany of your very own.

-Laura

Beauty, To Me.

2010-03-12T11:28:00.000-08:00

3.11.10
You're probably going to think I'm weird for calling this beautiful, but it is.
Let me back up.
I go to a big music festival called Cornerstone, and 3 years ago, I fell in love with the punk rock scene/movement, and I identify myself with it.
Yes, the mohawks, spikes, studs, patches...I love it all. Even though its often looked down upon as a group with angst, hatred, and anarchism, there is so much more to it if you take the time to look.

I'm also a follower of Jesus Christ.
(Wait, what? You can be both?)
And I find some of the punk rock Christians to be some of the most passionate people I've ever seen in my life.
This is Nate from FBS, reading from the Bible, live on stage.

And this is their drummer, Andrew.

I was walking around at the fest and made my way to Fat Calf stage, where a church service had just ended. But it was far from over. Andrew was standing near the stage with a young man, and what I saw will stay with me forever. Andrew had one arm around the guy, and the other was emphatically gesturing to show his passion. Both of them had their eyes closed. I stood close and watched(*cough* eavesdropped *cough*)as Andrew prayed for this guy.
I can honestly say I dont think I've ever seen anyone pray with such fervor. I wish I could just replay for you a few seconds of the minute or so I watched God using a dirty, 'angsty' punk like Andrew to change lives. That was beautiful.

And this.

Flatfoot 56 has been so influential in my walk with God. I wait all year for these 5 minutes right here(There are 99 days left till this year's Amazing Grace sing-a-long)
Let me explain why I love it.

Its midnight, and you've spent all day in the hot sun and the dirt and the dust, but you've got enough energy left in you for this one show. You spend all night running in the pits and helping up the people who fall. You're sweaty and gross, and so are the other 200 people crammed in this tent. Then, you know its coming. You put your arms around the people next to you, and chances are, they're big, burly guys that you've never met in your life, and you're just a little 17 year old girl. Their sweat is mixing with yours, and dripping off your elbow. The the entire place goes quiet in anticipation. The bagpipes drone, and then the first few notes of Amazing Grace are distinguishable. And you sing. You, the guys next to you, the guys on stage, your mom who came to try to understand why you love this so much, and every punk rock kid that some "Christians" would say are going to Hell for that haircut. You sing from your gut, and you dont even care if you hit a wrong note, because there is such a presence of God right there, that all you can do its sing.

I cant help but nearly cry every time I watch this video, because in some way, I think that's really how God intended us to be. Close, intimate, passionate, and all for Him. Maybe the sweat isnt so cute. Maybe the heat doesnt make you look so pretty. But a close encounter with God?
That is truly beautiful.

Picture Perfect(?)

2010-03-11T15:03:00.001-08:00

3.11.10
I just finished reading a blog by Sarah Markley about beauty, and I figured I would chime in.

Most days, I look like this.
Note the acne and greasy hair.
But last Friday, I got to be this.
Sure, I had the help of a make up artist(My dear friend, Laci), but I feel like in that photo, I am beautiful. But is it lasting?
I posted the photo to my facebook and within hours, I had friends telling me how beautiful I looked. And a message from one of my other friends, who makes a living out of editing photos. He said that he enjoyed knowing every post-photography process that was used to make that photo so 'beautiful.'
And doubt kicked in. "Is that really what I looked like?" "How much was photoshop?" "How much concealer did Laci have to use?"
Then I realized.
It doesnt matter.

Today, my brother and I got a DVD of videos and pictures from a summer camp we attend, and I watched a video of one of my favorite skits from that week. The main character struggles with seeing herself as God's masterpiece, but God comes and shows her that when she surrenders over all the ugliness and flaws, He can make something truly beautiful.

So now, I start the process of handing over all those flaws. All the ugliness. Everything not of God. As he chisels away all the junk, His true masterpiece is sure to emerge.

Just Because...

2010-02-24T21:28:00.000-08:00

This post is for Aaron.

Because he wanted to know when he was going to get a post about him.

I think he's just jealous of max.

1) .hope now.

2010-02-24T21:11:00.000-08:00

1.19.10
I've recently become obsessed with anchors as a symbol of hope. I've said that I want to spend the rest of my life helping hurting teens, preferably through music. So I'm pulling some ideas together, and this is what I've got so far. I want the anchor to be an icon. Like the Jesus fish or the letters TWLOHA. So every day, I will draw an anchor on my arm and write the word hope above or below it, and this is what it means.

"I care about you. I understand that you're hurting. I am a safe person to talk to.
I want to help."

Maybe it's unrealistic. Maybe it will never help anyone. But if you dont do anything, nothing will ever happen. So that's what I'm doing starting now.
I'm going to try to think of how to pitch it to Fishsticks & Milk, because with their exposure to teens in our area, it could do some real good.

Everything rides on hope.

I Should Probably Become a Nun...

2010-02-20T11:26:00.000-08:00

The title has nothing to do with my last blog. Its about what I'm sharing with you today. I wrote this, as i call it, "pseudopoem" about a boy who then decided he didn't want to like me. I should probably swear off boys for a while.
1.18.10
We are both becoming such good actors. We play these parts of "just friends" so well. No one would know, we keep them all guessing. But we know the whispers we trade. You ask me to wait, hold back my heart through these years that threaten to keep us apart. But we both know I can't make promises. We both know that's asking too much. So we put on the make up and play our parts well. And entwine our fingers when the bright lights fade. But slowly, it fades to grey. And suddenly I see.
You're too good an actor for me.

Thanks to max for commenting on my last blog. You should probably leave a link to yours so i can read it C:

2010-02-19T10:02:00.001-08:00

bono: "there's nothing worse than a rockstar with a cause."

Mason, Mason, Mason

2010-02-15T06:37:00.001-08:00

I know I said I was gonna be posting writings from the Open Book project, but this is just something i really need to just write down. So its real time Open Book.

2.17.10
"There is nothing for you to offer a guy anymore."
How does a girl react to hearing that from one of her friends? What is she supposed to think? Or do?
This is the question I'm asking myself currently. But let me back up and tell you the story.

I have a friend named Mason. Mason is a Christian and sings in a punk band that I'm quite fond of. I developed a friendship with him this summer and we've bonded through our mutual love of punk rock, Jesus, and Cornerstone. Somewhere along the line I began to tell him about the poor choices I had made in a past relationship. No, I'm still a virgin(And you'll have to keep that in mind throughout the rest of this post. Mason's words will make you think otherwise.) And I never thought he thought a thing of it, aside from the initial disappointment and empathy. That was, until a month ago.

Seemingly out of nowhere, he began to share with me some of the finer points of his doctrine. Mason believes that:
A. God views sexual acts as sex.
B. God views sex as marriage.
so he believes
C. Sexual acts are viewed as marriage. Period.

Now, Im not saying that he is wrong. im saying I dont agree with him, AND I wont blindly accept his reality untill I look into it for myself. So as we had that discussion a month ago, I got more frustrated untill he decided he was going to "protect the friendship by not replying to me and let me be with Jesus."

What?! He dropped a spiritual bombshell and left me alone and torn? Thats just messed up.

So for a month, I thought about it occasionally, but not seriously. Then, on Valentine's Day(Sunday), we had an hour long discussion that ended in this.

"Please stop texting me. I haven't read your texts. I wont. This is so much harder for me than you know :( I need to focus on rescuing children and this disappointment from you is overwhelming. Im crying so hard! :( And please honor your past by obeying the scripture. Dont become an adulterer. I know you cant have a baby by another man. Youll look into your baby's eyes and cry knowing that mommy was with another man before daddy. It will pierce your heart to see those innocent eyes and remember your wrong. And even if it WERE ok to marry another man you must ask yourself, "How could I do this to my husband? How could I not have saved myself for him?" Remember your words. There is nothing for you to offer a guy anymore. Goodbye, please. But Jesus loves you. You're forgiven. Walk in that"

Phew. What an earful. Let's break this down.

"I need to focus on rescuing children."
Mason's band has the wonderful pleasure of being a spokesgroup for Compassion International, and they are very proud of this, as they should be.
But I think it's gone to Mason's head. He'd like to focus on the lives of third world, impoverished children. Awesome. But what about the kid right in front of him who needs some rescuing? I need rescuing from my guilt. My sin. My choices. And most importantly, from the condemnation of Mason himself. I need love, not a self-righteous man who appoints himself as my judge and jury.

"And please honor your past by obeying the scripture." What about in 1 Corinthians 13, where it says, "Love keeps no record of wrongs?"
What about Psalm 32:5 that says “...I confessed all my sins to You and stopped trying to hide them. I said to myself, ‘I will confess my rebellion to the LORD.’ And You forgave me! All my guilt is gone.”
Or Jeremiah 33:8? Isaiah 1:18
The list goes on and on.(http://www.allaboutprayer.org/verses-on-forgiveness-faq.htm was a great resource!)

"I know you cant have a baby by another man. Youll look into your baby's eyes and cry knowing that mommy was with another man before daddy. It will pierce your heart to see those innocent eyes and remember your wrong."
What?! Just...what?

"Jesus loves you." Yes, Mason, He does. He loved me so much that He said this, "I, the Lord made you, and I will not forget to help you. I have swept away your sins like the morning mists. I have scattered your offenses to the clouds. Oh, return to me, for I have paid the price to set you free." And I returned to Christ after falling away and making the poor choice that brought forth this whole conversation. I seek Him deeper than ever before.

"You're forgiven. Walk in that"
And so I will. I am forgiven. Jesus has washed me white as a wedding gown. The one that I believe no amount of sin should separate me, or anyone who made the choices I made, from wearing one day.

Apologies

2010-02-13T09:09:00.000-08:00

(This is a real time post, not from the Open Book project)
I have recently been very rude, and offended my friend Tom. Tom is a very talented musician who makes me look like I know nothing. He composes music that blows me away and is very beautiful. But he is the one who I referenced in an earlier blog called Seriously?
Let me clarify.
Tom is NOT pretentious.
He is deeper than I can understand at my 17 year old vantage point.
His art, music, and photography(and here on his Facebook, where lots of good ones are)is more than I will probably ever be capable of, and i am jealous of it.
Just because I didnt understand his music does NOT mean that no one else can.
I only used our conversation about his lyrics as a launching off point for the blog and the idea that we take ourselves to seriously. So Im stating this as best as I can.
I was wrong.
And if you guys are interested in his music, PLEASE go check it out here.
My personal favorite(If you trust my judgment) is If So. I hope you all find the true beauty in his music that I understated.
I am sorry.

The First of Many About Fishsticks & Milk

2010-02-12T12:12:00.000-08:00

1.14.10
I'm doing lots of thinking today...I think.
Fishsticks & Milk has officially made me an officer of their non-profit organization. Along with that, they asked me to be in charge of a show. Today we finally got the date and one of the bands pulled out. But I'm getting off topic.
I love telling people the story about how I joined F&M, but every time I do, I'm afraid that I come across as bragging. I had the privilege of donating some money to them, and I love telling that part. Not because I want people to think I'm a good person! But simply because it felt so good to contribute toward something like F&M because they're doing what I want to be doing. I tell the story to share my joys and my passions. Not to boost how someone views me. It feels like a rock and a hard place. The other day Tyler asked me how they could ever thank me for what I do for them(Which honestly isn't much!) And this is what I said. "Give kids a place where they can be distracted from the pain in their lives. I place where they can just forget their pain, be happy, and be a kid."
That's why I support them, That's why I tell the story. I don't want the story to be about how I'm such a "great person." I want the story to me about a bunch of college kids who are giving kids a place to go. Who are giving back. Who are making real change. And that's something to be taken seriously.

Seriously?

2010-02-12T11:34:00.000-08:00

12.25.09
The last time I hung out with Tyler, we were talking about band names and he said something that stuck in my mind. "Musicians take themselves too seriously." And it's true. I can hear my brothers listening to my cousin's band's music, and I'm remembering the time that the composer tried to enlighten me on the deeper meanings of his songs. In hindsight, there was this air of pretentious B.S. to every word he said. Everything just made me more confused as to what the songs actually meant, and some he just wouldn't even try to explain. We as musicians can write the deepest song in existence, but what's the point of no one gets it? Then we've helped no one. Even now as I write this, I find myself taking this far too seriously. So I'm cutting loose. music is art and beauty, but if it's not fun or simple, it loses what makes it beautiful. I think grandeur ideas of fame and depth cause us to lose sight of that somewhere. And somewhere in that realization, I become OK with being an acoustic solo musician. My music is my expression, but it doesn't have to prove to everyone in every song that I'm capable of deep, touching masterpieces. Call it a new Year's Resolution, but I resolve to chill and just enjoy what comes from each pen stroke and burst of inspiration. And I resolve to not take myself so seriously. Because if you take yourself too seriously, no one will ever be able to, and you may loose your chance to really touch someone

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2009-12-02T16:10:00.000-08:00

Edward....on a guys back

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2009-11-20T11:25:00.000-08:00

My brother and I made lunch. Mac and cheese and grilled cheese. Hmmmm

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2009-11-18T16:02:00.000-08:00

I got the flu and my cat will not leave my side. She even hissed at my dog when she came too close!

2009-11-13T07:29:00.001-08:00

Have you every known someone who you just wanted to be there for, but they made you feel disposable? They talk to you in a bad mood and you know they need to talk, but they push you away and you know they would open up to the girl that shattered their heart before theyd open up to you? They tell you youre a good friend but youre not even a signifigant speck to them?

2009-11-13T06:40:00.001-08:00

Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in you. Psalm 56:3

Multimedia message

2009-11-12T22:08:00.000-08:00

Multimedia message

2009-11-11T21:42:00.000-08:00

No, I do not claim the boy on the left as my boyfriend......C;

2009-11-11T21:28:00.001-08:00

A while ago I posted about how important couples Bible study an be to a relationship. A friend of mine made a very valid point in saying that relationships cant be check boxes and to do lists, no matter how good the intentions are. So Im revoking the implied 'to do list' complex. But at the same time, I do believe study is very important to a growing Christian relationship.

Im starting to see the check box theory in other places, but my brain refuses to think of examples. Its tired.

College Prep

2009-11-11T09:29:00.000-08:00

My "motivational poster"

2009-11-10T06:34:00.001-08:00

...We rejoice in our suffering because we know suffering produces perseverance. Perseverance, charachter; and charachter, hope... Romans 5:3-4

Please Support Me?

2009-11-08T18:27:00.000-08:00

So this Friday, the 13th, I'm playing a battle of the bands at the Total Rec in Streator. I'm playing against four other bands and i really need everyone possible to come out and support me.
I havent played a show since July, and if I make it through this round, I get to play another show on New Years which is honestly as good as winning! Please come help me!

Its not about the grand prize, I just want to play!

Show starts at 6:30!

So if you're coming...
-Be Ridiculous. Wear facepaint, dance, make t shirts(or buy one from me! I can make you one for about $10!), bring signs...whatever!
-Scream and cheer very loud after every song!
-Sing along! Even if you dont know the words, you can pick up on the choruses!
-BRING YOUR FRIENDS!

Thanks so much, everyone! I love you!

2009-11-05T06:11:00.001-08:00

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. Hebrews 6:19

2009-11-04T06:17:00.001-08:00

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in dispair. 2 Corinthians 4:8

2009-10-29T06:20:00.001-07:00

In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart! I have overcome the world! John 16:33

2009-10-28T06:25:00.001-07:00

Whoever loves his life, looses it. Whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. John 12:25

Review: The Tallest of Smalls by Max Lucado

2009-10-27T09:55:00.000-07:00

For years I have loved Max Lucado's children's book, You Are Special, and Tallest of Smalls was no letdown.

Written with a style similar to the Dr. Seuss we all grew up with, Tallest of Smalls is a beautiful story that touches readers young and old alike. The story applies to our every day life showing us how people or things can never really satisfy our desire to feel special, significant, and admired. Written in a rhyme that captivates children, Tallest of Smalls shares with them a message of value and self-worth that they can understand without simplifying it to something that lacks real meaning. Illustrations from artist Maria Monescillo help the story really come to life in your mind's eye as you read about Ollie, a young boy who just wanted to be admired like all the other people with stilts. One day his wish is granted and he receives his stilts. But as he tries to be like the others, he finds he cannot stand. With a pride-shattering fall, he finds himself stiltless and right back where he started. But as he sits in his sadness, Jesus comes to him and tells him everything he'd been longing to hear from the crowd, and everything he thought he would find in the stilts. Readers will find this is be a charming story that tells us what we all long to hear, "I may not be much, the smallest of smalls. But since Jesus loves me, I'm the tallest of talls."

2009-10-27T07:18:00.001-07:00

I have the priviledge of sending a Bible verse to an average of seventy five people every morning. If you want to be added to that list, contact me at (remove the spaces between words) the rogue kane 2010 (at) hot mail (dot) com. I do it all confusing so I dont get a ton of junk mail. God bless.

2009-10-26T07:30:00.001-07:00

"It is the Spirit that gives life. The flesh is no help at all." John 6:63

Out of Focus Studios

2009-10-25T20:25:00.000-07:00

So I had my first shot ever at taking pictures of people. So my friends Susanna and Jess let me take some impromptu Senior Pics of them. Though I doubt they'll use them, I'm impressed with myself.
(PLEASE CLICK FOR A FULL VIEW! Stupid site crops them)
(Thats my favorite of her favorites)

And Susanna, who is far more beautiful than she believes.

(I told them I wouldnt be offended if they didnt use them. But im so proud of myself that I think that I lied!)

2009-10-25T06:30:00.001-07:00

My friends have separate lives apart from me.
People that I consider my close friends don't think of me when making plans. They live their lives as if I'm not important. But when we're together, I'm the coolest thing since sliced bread.
I dont get it.

I know of two people who regularly try to spend time with me.

Two.

And I'm very friendly.

On the other hand, its always pleasant to hear someone who you suffer with through the mediocre existence of life drop the F-Bomb. At your cat.

2009-10-22T20:33:00.001-07:00

Boyfriend is in a bad mood tonight. So for the third night in a row, we're skipping Bible study. I act like thats a good idea when I really just want him to suck it up and realize that this is crucial to our relationship. So am I really the cause of my frustration? Probably.
I just wish that he would take leadership and say, "Oh wait, this is really important!" But am I expecting too much or complaining too much?
Tonight was supposed to be our last night in 1st John. I was excited about moving on. Oh well.

Yeah, this is probably just my own fault.

Ted Has Done It Again

2009-10-22T14:34:00.001-07:00

Ted has done it again. Green completes a circle of four books that have been captivating readers for half a decade. I was skeptical that Green could be read before Black, but as the story wraps up, you see it all come together to form a seamless loop of time that takes you deep. Dekker beautifully illustrates the true to life battle between good and evil, faith and despair, love and conflict. In Green, Thomas struggles as cracks begin to appear in the Circle. His own son, Samuel, is deceived and rebels against the Great Romance. Evil grows and seems to be unstoppable, and Elyon seems to have left them. The Horde and Circle meet as Thomas tries to convince them yet again of the love that Elyon, maker of all, has for them. But evil so deeply entrenched in their hearts keeps them from seeing the good that Thomas is trying to incur. Two new characters find their way into the Other World and wrap themselves in all that Teeleh has to offer them, causing more danger for Thomas, Chelise, and the entire Circle. The battle lines are being drawn and Thomas finds himself stranded in the twenty first century. Finally, when it seems like all is lost, Thomas returns to the Circle and Elyon shows Himself, leading the Circle to the war to end it all.

(I switched blog accounts so I figured I should post this here too.

2009-10-22T14:26:00.001-07:00

Trying out the SMS Blogging.

Responsibility ? What's That?

2009-10-22T14:17:00.000-07:00

I had the opportunity to visit our good ol' community college on Tuesday and hit up one of those college fairs. My friend I went with has no idea for her future so her mom(practically an aunt to me) took me by the arm and helped me get info that could help.
I'm stuck between music and nursing. One, I can go to school for at a good tuition rate and almost be sure of finding a job. The other is something I've been doing since I was eight years old and as cliche as it sounds, it's in my blood.
I finally have my counselor's appointment for IVCC(the community college, but I'll probably call it IV) and I signed up for a nursing information day there as well. I have a hard time reminding myself that I have time and I don't need to stress, but that's not working.

Bleh.

A Weekend In The U.P., Eh?

2009-10-12T14:21:00.000-07:00

So I spent the weekend in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan shooting all the fall colors. Sadly, my shots were sub par and my photographs were disappointing. So I'll show you my best shots.(click for larger view please! The preview doesnt do them justice!)

And the best of all?That's Brady. The most amazing dog ever! (This is where I ask you to please not steal my photos)
Sadly, our trip was cut short by an emergency back home and we headed out at 5 A.M. Gross!

Thanks for looking!

Corporate Halloween Joy

2009-10-05T11:59:00.000-07:00

Boyfriend came Friday and stayed till today, and we had such a blast. I'll spare sappy details.

Saturday we went on our second date in five months.

Whip It was a great movie and totally made for me. I loved it. But as we were in Taco Bell enjoying the beauty of beef Baja Chalupas, who shows up but my dad and my younger brother. No joke. They show up on my date. I nearly screamed.

Sunday we had the privilege of attending our friend's church in Peoria. Afterwards, our friends needed to go costume shopping. So we hit up Spirit of Halloween and Halloween USA. We had a lot of fun with all the bizarre props and accessories.
But no such luck with finding the needed costumes.

It was really just a blast to spend some time with great friends and the boyfriend.

Finally

2009-09-30T19:29:00.000-07:00

Am I growing more independent? *gasp* I finally got my own cell phone, and Friday I go to learn how to use a program for weighing grain trucks. A job! Crazy stuff. But after 17 years, I think it's understandable.
I know find myself addicted to mytinyphone.com.

This is my kajillionth attempt at blogging. Let's see how long this one lasts. I think the reason I'm trying it is so that I have somewhere I can rant. I had that once, before my boyfriend got Twitter. Now I try to just keep my frustration to myself. No longer!

So. Lets see if anyone reads this...